


Memento Vivere

by It-is-the-Hannah (carry_on_my_wayward_outcasts)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Cars, College, Fluff, Getting Back Together, Multi, Post-Break Up, Post-The Raven King
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-03-14 11:44:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13589364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carry_on_my_wayward_outcasts/pseuds/It-is-the-Hannah
Summary: It has been three years since Glendower. Everyone is still recovering, but no one is willing to admit it.Ronan and Adam mysteriously broke up weeks ago, but neither of them will say what happened.It takes a snowstorm, a certain hoof-footed little girl, and one long, sleepless night for them to make their world right again.





	1. In Medias Res

It was weird to drive a car that actually wanted to be a car. The Camaro always had a wild edge to it, as if it took “horsepower” literally, and required the driver to be able to control all three hundred and fifty of the horses contained in its engine. All three hundred and fifty of those horses were always ready to fight something, possibly themselves, and it took a certain sort of care to keep them in line long enough to get where you needed to go.

This car is calmer. You tell it what to do, and it does it without a fight. With this car, you never have to worry about an engine just deciding to quit on you. The brakes will work consistently even if it's a Tuesday, or if it's raining, and the power steering will let you use it whether you are worthy or not.

In short, this new car doesn't have a soul. Gansey sort of hates it, but the Pig had finally given up for good a few days before, and he couldn't find anything he actually liked on short notice.

He had briefly considered calling Ronan to ask after the field of dreamed cars, but reminding him of that chapter of their childhood had seemed almost cruel so soon after everything that went down with Adam.

He didn't particularly like acknowledging the death of the Camaro, anyhow. He had hardly been able to tell Blue on the phone when he called her to come pick him up from the mechanic. Luckily, she knew him well enough to let him grieve in peace, and didn't acknowledge his tears in her passenger seat other than to hand him a packet of tissues from her satchel. In return, he didn't comment when he saw her take out another packet for herself. Silently, he was glad to see he wasn't the only one who was so affected by losing yet another part of their past.

He was painfully aware, however, that he was the only one that was so bothered by having to drive a soulless car. Blue’s main opinion on cars was that she shouldn't have to drive them herself, and most everyone else he knew tended to enjoy cars that always wanted to be cars. The only one who might understand was Ronan, but talking about it with Ronan would require telling Ronan what had happened, and again, Gansey really thought he had enough on his plate at this point.

“You know he's going to ask about it when we drop Opal off, right?” Gansey was startled out of his brooding by Blue’s voice in the passenger seat.

“What?” She gave him a look.

“The car. Ronan is going to ask why you’re not driving the Pig when we drop Opal off tomorrow, so you’re going to have to tell him whether you like it or not.” Gansey stared at her dumbly, so she continued, “It’s been over a month since he and Adam broke up. If he's still so upset that he can't handle this, then I think you need to have a conversation with him anyway.” When it had been said out loud, Gansey actually agreed with her, but he was still confused.

“How did you know what I was thinking?” She raised her eyebrows.

“You’ve been talking for like, half an hour. Did you really think you weren't saying anything out loud?” Gansey shook his head.

“It is possible that I have been driving for too long. Do we have much further to go?” Blue glanced at the map on her lap, then at a road sign, then back at the map.

“Actually, I think this next exit is ours, and then we only have about half an hour left. Probably less at this time of night.” Gansey nodded, and took the exit. It was quiet in the car for a few minutes, save the soft rock station providing background noise from the radio.

“Was I really talking out loud that whole time?” Blue nodded, and laughed when Gansey cringed slightly.

“Don't worry, I tuned most of it out. I can tell the difference between you thinking out loud because you want people listening and you thinking out loud because you forgot other people were around.”

“I didn't forget you were here.” Blue laughed again, softer this time, and took his hand where it rested on the center console, rubbing her thumb across the back of it.

“You know what I meant.” He did. They knew each other well enough to get a point across even when the both of them were exhausted and achy from hours in a cramped car. “Anyway, I like when you forget like that. I like listening to you puzzle things out. Your thinking out loud voice is very nice.” It was Gansey’s turn to laugh.

“You are very tired, Jane.” She leans her head on him.

“I am. I'm not saying anything that's not true, though.”

“Alright.” He didn't have a free hand to card through her hair, so he settled for squeezing her hand. She went quiet after that, and he assumed she had fallen asleep until he nearly missed the turn for the parking lot and she swore loudly at the sudden jerk of the wheel.

“Sorry.” He pulled into a spot as she sat up and stretched. “Do you want to call him or should I?” The apartment complex was old, and cell phones were definitely a more reliable way to announce your arrival than the ancient buzzer.

“I can do it.” She unbuckled her seat belt to lean over into the backseat and get her phone from her bag. She dialed quickly- the number long since memorized- and sat back in her seat, looking contemplatively at the glowing dashboard clock while it rang. “I hope he didn’t fall asleep waiting for us. I don’t really want to spend the night in the car.” Gansey scoffed.

“It’s only eleven-thirty. You know how late he usually stays up.”

“I guess so, but he’s just finished his finals and- oh hi, Adam. We’re here. Come let us in.” There was a pause, and she rolled her eyes at something Adam must have said. “No, don’t wake Opal up. She’ll be fine on her own for five minutes. Seriously.” Another brief pause, this one causing a smile. “Yeah, I know. I’ll see you in a few.” She hung up and turned to Gansey. “Him and Ronan worry way too much. I’d bet on Opal in any fight.”

“It’s possible they’re always more worried about what she would do to an intruder than what they would do to her.”

“I’m pretty sure they’re just paranoid.” Gansey hummed in agreement. “Anyway, are you ready to go? I would very much like to not be sitting in this car anymore.” Gansey undid his seat belt as well, and turned the car off. The car let him do both of these things without complaint, and he sighed.

“I am definitely ready to be out of here.” They grabbed their bags from the backseat and met Adam at the door. Despite what Gansey had said earlier, he very much looked like he had just woken up. Neither of them commented on it, nor did they mention that he was wearing what looked like one of Ronan’s old tank tops. They merely exchanged hellos and hugs, and then a look behind Adam’s back on the way upstairs that said We Should Probably Talk About This, and then another look as he fumbled unlocking the door that said It Can Definitely Wait Until We Have All Had A Good Night’s Sleep.

Opal was already set up on the pull-out couch, and Adam briefly tried to get them to take his bed before they both whipped sleeping bags from their backpacks. They had spent quite a lot of time camping out during their gap year adventures, and when compared to the middle of the woods, the carpeted floor of the living room was dream. Adam shrugged at their explanation, insisted on helping them set up, and then bid them goodnight. They changed into pajamas and brushed their teeth, and then laid down beside each other, Blue’s head pillowed on Gansey’s shoulder. This time, he was sure she had fallen asleep, as he felt her breathing even out. It took him a bit longer to drift off, too busy worrying about Adam and Ronan and dreading spending another ten hours in the soulless car, but eventually sleep claimed him as well, his mind calming and breath syncing with Blue’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be perfectly honest, when I sat down to write today I was mostly just mourning the loss of my own beloved car, and then it kind of accidentally morphed into this.  
> I hope you enjoy whatever the heck this is, it'll be updated fairly regularly, and we're just going to see where it goes together.  
> Let's go.


	2. Abest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Adam does a lot of thinking and Opal is already Over the drama

Ten and a half hours is a very long time to spend awkwardly avoiding a subject when you are in a cramped car with people who know you well. The ride back to Virginia was uncomfortable for everyone, none of them wanting to bring up the Ronan-shaped elephant in the room even when they neared the Barns. Adam was painfully aware they were going to have to acknowledge it once they arrived, as Ronan in the flesh was impossible to ignore, but while they were still in the car he chose to pretend that nothing was out of the ordinary. It really wasn’t out of the ordinary, after all, he had driven this road with Opal in the backseat hundreds of times, and he’d done it without her hundreds more. Granted, this was the first time he was driving towards the Barns expecting to be turned away, and granted, he’d never done it while Gansey and Blue exchanged worried looks back and forth the whole time, and he certainly hadn't ever done it when it was snowing this hard, but all that was okay. He was okay. He didn’t even have to go inside and see Ronan, he could say goodbye to Opal and then just wait in the car while the other two went and said hello. He was fine with that.

  
“Adam, you know the speed limit on this road is thirty, right?” Blue’s voice from the backseat sounded more worried than it had all day, which was saying something.

  
“You know we always go at least forty-five on this road, right?” Even in the snow, the road to the Barns was straight and abandoned enough that speed limits weren't spectacularly important. 

  
“You’re going sixty right now.” Adam looked at the speedometer to see that Gansey was right. He swore softly, and slowed down.

  
“I finally see what you mean about this car, Gansey, it drives so smooth it’s hard to tell when you’re accelerating.” Gansey and Blue exchanged another one of their Looks, which Adam was growing tired of.

  
“Adam-” Gansey said his name the way he used to whenever Adam showed up to school with a new bruise, and Adam knew he needed to end this lecture before it started.

  
“I'm fine. It's fine. Really. I'm not even going to talk to him, I’ll just wait in the car for you guys. It's fine.”

  
“Adam. Blue’s voice had the same sad tone to it as Gansey’s, but it was somehow worse coming from her. “You're going to have to talk to him eventually.” Adam huffed a mirthless laugh.

  
“He made it perfectly clear that he would be happy never hearing from me again.”

  
“I really don't think that's true. He might've said it, but he can't mean it.” Gansey was trying so hard to hold them all together, just like he always had, but Adam was pretty sure nothing could fix this.

  
“He certainly sounded like he meant it.”

  
“But-” Adam really couldn't let this go on any longer.

  
“Listen, can we not have this conversation with Opal in the car? The whole thing has stressed her out enough as it is.” The reminder of the little girl sleeping in the backseat was an effective end to the discussion. Everyone was painfully aware of how hard she had taken Adam and Ronan’s split, as she always loved Adam just as fiercely as Ronan himself once did, and without the communication between the two, she had missed Adam terribly while he was away at school.

  
She claimed Ronan missed him as well, but Adam was skeptical. Ronan had sent all communication through Gansey and Blue about arranging for Opal to go back to school with Adam for the few weeks before winter break, and when the time came to leave it was Gansey who had come to see the two of them off to the airport, and when it was discovered that Opal and planes Do Not Mix well, it had been Gansey who offered to come and pick them up. Ronan had been so resolute in his determination not to hear from Adam that he had been known over the past couple of weeks to hang up calls with Opal without warning if she mentioned he was in the same room.

  
These were not the actions of someone missing someone.

  
Adam should know, he missed Ronan with every fiber of his being, and he would give anything just to see him, or hear his voice. He knew how to take a hint, though, and he didn't think he could handle Ronan kicking him out a second time. Once was hard enough.

  
So, as they finally pulled into the driveway of the old farmhouse at the center of the Barns, Adam mentally prepared himself for sitting in the car for longer than he would like, imagining Ronan just a couple yards away, wanting to go inside but not being able to. He sighed as he parked. This was going to be a rough evening.

  
“Blue, will you wake Opal up?” Blue did, shaking the girl gently until she yawned and stretched.

  
“Are we there yet?” Everyone laughed. Opal liked cars more than she did planes, but only just. A common theme of the day had been her complaining about the distance left to go.

  
“We’re here.” Adam leaned back to fix her skullcap, which had fallen to the side while she slept. “Are you ready to go?” Opal nodded.

  
“I was ready ten hours ago.” Adam laughed again, a little melancholy. He was going to miss her almost as much as Ronan.  
“Say hello to Chainsaw for me, will you? I’ll see you in a couple days when you come to Fox Way.” Opal looked at him strangely.

  
“Aren't you staying?”

  
“You know I'm not. We talked about this already.” Opal crossed her arms.

  
“And I already said you were being stupid!” Adam sighed.

  
“Opal-”

  
“Kid’s got a point,” Blue chimed in, “you and Ronan are being stupid.” Opal grinned at her, and then looked back at Adam as if this had won the argument.

  
“Sometimes,” Gansey came in with his best diplomatic Dick III voice, “you have to give people time to get over being stupid. I'm sure they'll sort it out eventually, Opal, but this is how it is right now. So say goodbye to Adam, and Blue and I will take you inside, and you’ll see him again in a few days.” Opal huffed.

  
“Fine. Bye, Adam.” She still sounded annoyed with him, but her hug was as tight as it could possibly be while leaning in from the backseat. She got out after Blue, and they went around to the trunk to get her backpack while Gansey lingered in the passenger seat.

  
“I really do think you two will sort it out eventually. You always have.”

  
“Sure, Gansey.” Blue tapped on the window, and Gansey clasped a hand over Adam’s shoulder.

  
“We’ll be back in a few.” Adam watched him get out and lead the girls to the front door, where their knock was immediately answered. Adam caught a fleeting glimpse of Ronan’s figure haloed in the brightly lit doorway before they were ushered inside and the door slammed behind them.

  
Adam was left alone with his thoughts, watching the snow fall softly in the glow of his headlights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abest: He is absent.  
> Yes, this was mostly a filler chapter of Adam doing his overthinking thing, but it is what it is.  
> Side note: Libraries are very calming spaces. I'm hella stressed about a band competition that I'm in tomorrow, but hanging out surrounded by books and writing about other people's stress is amazingly relaxing.


	3. Nivis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan has some feelings

Ronan never thought he was going to miss the Camaro, and yet here he was, almost in tears because of the rental sitting in his driveway. 

“Are you okay?” Blue sounded worried. It was not a good sound for her.

“I’m fine, maggot.” He could still feel a lump in his throat, but he worked on swallowing it so the others wouldn't notice. 

It was definitely just the car making him upset. Nothing else. Especially not the fact that Adam had chose waiting in said car for an extended period of time over coming in to see him. Ronan was not fucking almost crying over  _ that.  _

_ “ _ Ronan.” Gansey said his name like he was a distressed child. This was not a good sound either. Adam had always said his name like it just meant Ronan-

Fuck. He was actually crying now.  

He felt Gansey sweep him up in a hug almost as soon as the first tears fell, and he heard Blue coaxing Opal off to bed. The poor kid had looked exhausted when she came in, so Ronan wasn't surprised when she went without much fight. Ronan almost wanted to put up a fight for her, argue that he should be the one putting her to bed her first night back, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind he remembered why she had been gone and was overwhelmed by a fresh wave of tears. 

Fuck. This is not how he wanted this to go. He had thought he had already cried himself out over the past couple weeks, but apparently not. 

Gansey guided them over to sit down on the couch, keeping a hold on Ronan the whole time. Ronan himself wasn't so much holding onto Gansey as he was slumped against him, letting him rub his back soothingly while Ronan soaked the shoulder of his polo. Gansey was probably saying something, but Ronan only really picked up on the vaguely soothing tone, so he might have just been making noises. 

This went on for some time. 

Eventually, Ronan stopped sniffling for long enough to recover his pride, and sat up against the arm of the couch, with his chin resting on his folded knees. Gansey sat cross legged with his back to the other arm, staring at him through wire rim glasses. He was quiet until it became clear that Ronan was not planning on saying anything, at which point he sighed deeply. 

“I'm worried about you.” Ronan rolled his eyes.

“The pig was a good car, even if it broke down all the time. Don't even try to pretend you didn't cry that hard when you got the news.”

“Don't try to pretend this is just about the car.” Ronan stretched out his legs so his feet were nearly touching Gansey’s, and avoided his eyes. 

“I don't know what you want me to say.” 

“Adam thinks you hate him.” That made Ronan’s head snap up.

“He thinks I-” He shook his head in confusion. “I don't hate him. How could he think that? I could never.” 

“Why'd you kick him out, then?” Gansey’s voice wasn't accusing, more curious and concerned. It still made Ronan’s stomach clench.

“I had to.” He was back to aggressively not meeting Gansey’s eyes. 

“Ronan.” 

“Gansey.” His voice was pleading. “I can't tell you. Really. You don't want to know.” Gansey sighed again. 

“At least tell him, then. He deserves that much. He deserves to know why.” He tapped Ronan's ankle so he would look up at him. “I think you deserve better than this too.” 

“He doesn't want to see me.”

“He thinks  _ you _ don't want to see  _ him.”  _ It was Ronan's turn to sigh. 

“Not tonight. I can't do it tonight.” 

“But you’ll talk to him before he goes back to school?” Ronan nodded.

“If he's willing to hear me out.” Gansey looked like he wanted to say something else on the subject, but Blue chose this moment to appear, so he addressed her instead. 

“Ah, are you ready to go, Jane?” Blue shook her head and held up her phone.

“Mom just called. She says we shouldn't be driving tonight.” Ronan had known Maura long enough to know she didn't make those kinds of calls lightly, and he cringed internally at what he was going to have to offer.

“You can stay here tonight, it's fine.” Blue and Gansey both looked at him meaningfully.

“Even Adam?” Blue sounded skeptical.

“Even Adam.” He looked directly at Gansey. “It's fine, really.” 

“Well, I’ll go tell him then.” Blue started towards the door, but Ronan stood up to stop her. 

“No, I can do it.” She gave him another meaningful look. “Stop doing that!” She held up her hands. 

“Alright, whatever. You mind if I make tea?” He waved his hand at her, as she was already heading to the kitchen, and then he turned around to the front door, took a moment to collect himself, and headed out into the storm. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next one are kinda short, but that's just how the pacing worked out, I suppose.   
> Also, I nearly started crying in the library while I was working on this. I don't actually know if it was directly related to the chapter content or not.  
> Nivis- loosely, "by the snow" as in "because of the snow"


	4. Adest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some more feelings.

It was cold, and Adam was bored. Those two things had been constants for the better part of the hour and a half he had been sitting in the car. He had turned off both the car and his phone to conserve their batteries, and was regretting both of those decisions right about now. Living in Massachusetts may have gotten him used to being cold, but he still didn't like it, and he had never gotten used to boredom. It didn't help that his mind kept wandering to what had happened the last time he was here, and that was something he desperately wanted to avoid thinking about. 

He had started to seriously consider leaving without the others when he finally saw the front door open. He didn't bother watching their trek to the car, instead fumbling with the key in the ignition. He was still trying to work out how to turn on the heat when the passenger door opened. 

“It certainly took you guys long enough. The snow is getting pretty bad, it’s going to be a rough-” it was then that he finally got the vents going and looked at the figure beside him- “drive.  _ Ronan _ .” He opened his mouth to say something, anything more, but one look at Ronan’s tear-stained face had him rendered speechless. Ronan never cried. Never. 

“Hey, Adam.” His voice was as rough and cracked as his smile. “What's up?” Adam was still in shock.

“What's up? What's- Ronan. What’s going on? Are you okay?” A thought suddenly occurred to him. “Is  _ Matthew _ okay?” Adam couldn't really think of another reason for Ronan to have been crying, but Ronan seemed a little confused by the question.

“Matthew’s fine. Why wouldn't he be?” Adam gestured at Ronan’s face. 

“You've been crying. I assumed something terrible must have happened.” Ronan huffed a small laugh at that. 

“Nobody's dead. Not recently, anyway.” 

“Then what's going on?” Ronan rubbed a hand over his recently shaved head. He had been growing out his curls, Before, and the peach fuzz on his scalp seemed like yet another reminder of everything that had changed between them. 

“You’re staying here tonight.”

“ _ What? _ ”

“Blue’s mom called. She said you guys shouldn't be driving tonight.” Adam shook his head, resolutely looking anywhere other than Ronan. 

“The roads aren’t that bad. I can still go.” Ronan reached over and switched the car off. 

“I don’t think you heard me.  _ Blue’s mom  _ called.” Adam wanted to cry, because he had heard, and he knew what it meant. Maura Sargent was not a paranoid woman, and if she was warning them not to drive, there was a reason. Given the alternative, though, he was considering tempting fate. 

“I can’t stay here.” His voice was smaller than he wanted it to be, but it didn’t shake. 

“Adam.” Ronan’s voice was the complete opposite-- heavy and trembling. “Look at me.” Adam couldn’t. “Adam.” He especially couldn’t handle Ronan saying his name like that any longer, so he slowly looked over. Ronan was staring at him with a raw expression, as if Adam had torn his heart out and not the other way around.

“‘I’m sorry.” And in two words, Ronan had gone and destroyed him all over again. Adam couldn’t help but laugh.

“You’re  _ sorry? _ ” Ronan winced. “You don’t get to do that, not now. You don’t get to kick me out for no reason, go radio silent for a damned month, and then just  _ apologize  _ out of the blue. Seriously, what the hell?” Ronan took a deep breath before responding.

“I fucked up.” Adam scoffed. “I know it’s not enough. I know it will never, never be enough, no matter how much I apologize, or try to explain, even though I plan on doing both of those things as much as I can for as long as you can stand to be in the same room with me. I fucked up. I’m sorry. Just-” He took Adam’s hand, and Adam was too stunned to stop him. “Stay. Please.” Adam closed his eyes against the words, against the memory of the last time they were here together, Ronan telling him to go. 

He didn’t want to leave now any more than he did then. 

“Just until the snow stops.” He opened his eyes to see Ronan smiling faintly, and reflexively grinned back. It was then that he felt Ronan’s thumb gently caressing the back of his hand, grounding him in the moment. He snatched his hand back and watched Ronan’s face fall for a moment before he regained his composure.

“Let’s go inside. It’s fucking cold out here.” Adam tried not to laugh as they got out, but quickly lost the battle as Ronan glared him into letting him carry Adam’s bag inside for him. Even after everything, Adam found it difficult not to find Ronan endearing.

When they got inside, and Ronan started affectionately swearing at Blue about her weird smelling tea, Adam had to fight not to smile. He had missed this, and that was exactly why he shouldn’t have come.

It would only make it that much harder when Ronan inevitably kicked him out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a real bastard to finish for some reason, but here it is!   
> It's like one in the morning. I don't know what I'm doing.   
> Adest- "He is here"


	5. Somnium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ronan has a nightmare, and nobody is getting any sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Minor warning for blood/dream violence in this chapter (no worse than anything in canon)

Something bad was about to happen. Ronan could feel it in his bones. The scene was too happy, too peaceful. The four of them- Ronan, Adam, Gansey and Blue- had managed to all wedge themselves onto one couch. The fireplace was roaring, there were empty popcorn bowls on the floor, some dumb movie on the tv. No one was dying or crying or making awkward small talk. It was almost too good to be true. It was like a-

Fuck. It was a dream.

The realization was painful, but Ronan was used to it. He had more good dreams than nightmares, nowadays, but the past month had more or less made them hurt the same. 

He didn't want to wake up yet, though. The prickling on the back of his neck was probably nothing, so he could stay here and pretend everything is alright for a little while longer. 

He was just nuzzling his head into dream-Adam’s shoulder, content to be held, when suddenly hands clasped around his neck and the spell was broken. 

Fuck. So this was going to be one of  _ those  _ nightmares. And real-     Adam was asleep in the next room. Fuck. 

He started struggling to wake up, but he couldn't focus with dream-Adam’s hands around his neck, squeezing. He looked helplessly to dream-Blue and Gansey, but they didn't even seem aware of the situation on the other side of the couch. He desperately scrabbled at the fingers around his throat, but they were just growing tighter and tighter, and-

And they were gone.

His own choking noises, however, were replaced with another’s, and Ronan turned around in horror to see dream-Adam choking himself, eyes bulging. The others had disappeared. So had the couch, and the room- it was just the two of them on the ground, and the sound of dream-Adam’s struggling breaths. Ronan was upon him without hesitation, struggling to pry the hands apart almost as much as he had when they were wrapped around his own neck. 

Suddenly there was blood. Ronan couldn't tell where it was coming from,  probably one of their fingernails had scratched something, but Ronan couldn't tell who. He couldn't focus past the distressed noises from the other boy, and everything was bloody, and he thought he might be crying, and-

He woke up. 

He was paralyzed in the way he always was when he brought something back. This didn't happen as often as it used to, without Cabsewater around, but every so often the ley line would surge and he would wake up with a souvenir. 

He could feel blood on his hands, and started praying that was the extent of it. If this was anything like last time-

He slowly started being able to move again. He sat up, cautiously, and looked around the room before breathing a sigh of relief. Just the blood then, which had already stained his sheets, of  _ course,  _ but he could handle stains. He could handle blood. This was fine. 

It wasn't even a lot of blood, just enough to be annoying. He got up and unlocked his door, tiptoeing to the bathroom down the hall, trying not to wake anybody.

Luck was not on his side tonight. 

He had just reached the bathroom and had flipped on the light when Gansey appeared in the hall next to him, having just come up the stairs. In the fluorescent light, there was no hiding the blood on his hands, and it took Gansey only a moment to put two and two together. 

“Oh, Ronan.” His voice was full of pity, which made Ronan sort of want to deck him. 

“It's nothing, Gansey.” The words were a bit rough, reminding him of the feeling of his windpipe being crushed. 

“I thought you said your nightmares were getting better.” 

“And I thought you said you had started actually sleeping.” Gansey didn't have a retort, until Ronan stepped slightly further into the light so he could actually enter the bathroom.

“Jesus, Ronan, your  _ neck _ .” Ronan looked in the mirror and cursed. The bruises on his neck were faint, but unmistakable, obviously finger shaped. He barely noticed Gansey enter the bathroom behind him until he spoke again. “What happened?” Ronan shot him a glare in the mirror.

“I think you can figure it out on your own, Dick.” Gansey sat down on the closed toilet seat while Ronan started washing his hands. Ronan was torn between telling him to get lost and begging him to never leave, so he didn't say anything about Gansey’s continued unexpected presence. They stayed in silence for several minutes while Ronan scrubbed.

“Blue doesn't know.” The words caught Ronan off guard.

“What?” 

“She thinks I'm sleeping more. I always wait for her to fall asleep before I get up and do things, and I make sure I'm back in bed by the time she wakes up. I just don't want her to worry.” Ronan said nothing. “I think she probably worries anyway. Adam still worries about you.” Ronan shut the water off and grabbed a hand towel.

“Can we maybe not talk about Adam right now?” 

“Right. Yeah.” Gansey stood up. “So, I’m probably going to be up for a while longer, if you want company. We could watch a movie?” Ronan briefly considered going back to his bloody sheets and bloodier dreams. “We don’t have to talk.” Gansey’s tone and expression make Ronan think he’s not entirely asking for Ronan’s sake, and that makes up his mind for him.

“I’m not watching any of your shitty documentaries.” A slow smile spread across Gansey’s face. 

“I already had something else in mind.”

Ronan wandered off to the kitchen to get snacks while Gansey started the movie, so he didn’t realize what Gansey picked until they were settled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn between them, and the familiar theme started playing. 

“Really? Of all the movies in the world, you picked this?” Ronan tried to sound annoyed, but it came out fond. Gansey laughed at him.

“What? You love Harry Potter.” Ronan couldn’t deny it, so he just shut up and watched the movie. 

They were almost halfway through the film when Blue appeared, all wild hair and wrinkled sweatpants. She didn’t seem surprised to find them sitting there, nor did she seem particularly bothered, but Gansey acted like he had been caught doing something shameful, sitting up straight with a guilty look on his face.

“Ah, Blue! Did we wake you up?” She shook her head, joining them on the couch next to Gansey.

“Nah, I woke up to use the bathroom and couldn’t get back to sleep, so I thought I’d come and see what y’all were doing.” Gansey still looked guilty, but Blue ignored it and curled into his side, stealing some popcorn form the bowl. Gansey curled an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close, and shifted his focus back to the movie. Ronan was a bit more preoccupied with watching the two of them, as Blue’s sudden appearance reminded him he probably wasn’t the only one in the house with nightmares. 

He ended up getting lost in thought, only half paying attention to what was happening on screen until another familiar voice came from the doorway, startling him.

“I always hated this part.” Ronan looked over to see Adam standing there, looking more awake than he probably should at three in the morning. On the t.v, Ron was sacrificing himself so that the other two could go on to get the Sorcerer’s Stone and save the day.

Ronan was not very fond of this part, either. 

“What’re you doing up?” Blue had untangled herself from Gansey just enough for the two of them to be sitting up and also staring at Adam, who shrugged and made his way over to the couch.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He went to sit on the floor, but Blue grabbed his arm and shoved Gansey and the popcorn bowl over so they were both nearly on Ronan’s lap. Ronan put the bowl on the floor instead, and Adam sat on the couch next to Blue. Ronan wanted to flee, but he also didn’t want to go back to his room alone. Also, his sheets were still dirty. 

He stayed, and after a few minutes he forgot the awkwardness. They watched the day get saved without any of the good guys dying. It was nice.

Eventually, the movie ended, though none of them moved to get up.

“Should we go ahead and watch the next one?” Ronan was hesitant to suggest it, but everyone agreed wholeheartedly, so he switched the DVDs out and settled back on the couch. 

He had missed this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They all need to talk about their feelings. (They will, eventually)  
> It took me ages to settle on the movie they were watching. I mostly picked Harry Potter because that's what I tend to watch when I'm stressed out. (Also, none of the good guys die in the first three movies, which I think makes them a good pick for these kids)
> 
> Somnium- "Dream"


	6. Multa Nocte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The night continues.

Snow has a way of creeping up on you without you noticing. It falls silently, and starts off slow, so by the time you realize anything is going on you are already buried in it. Blue has always liked this about snow, but especially now that it reminds her of Gansey.

  
When she met him that first night at Nino’s, she never would have dreamed she would end up here with him. If she had dreamed of it then, she would probably have considered it a nightmare, even though lying here now she couldn't think of anywhere else in the world she wanted to be.

  
Well, maybe there was one place she would rather be. She would have liked to still be in bed, and to have woken up from her nightmare with Gansey next to her so that she didn't have to go searching to reassure herself that he was alive.  
She wouldn't have Adam and Ronan with her if that had happened, though, so maybe all of them finding their way to the couch was for the best.

  
This was a comfortingly familiar scene for them, all curled up together watching movies at an ungodly hour. It had started the same awful day their quest ended, when they had all retreated to Fox Way together, unwilling to stay apart for more than a few minutes, and unable to sleep after everything that had happened. They had clustered in the small living room, limbs tangled up in each other, taking comfort in the closeness, and had stayed like that until morning. This had repeated many, many times in various forms over the months until graduation, and eventually it became routine. Even when they left on their new adventures, whenever they came home they would eventually end up here, smushed together and delighting in the knowledge that they were still alive.

  
The last time they had done this was in November, on the anniversary of the Day, when memories were hitting them all hard. It had become tradition for them to find a way back to Henrietta to mourn together, and it had inevitably resulted in them, unable to sleep, dog-piling onto the couch together, just like tonight.

  
It had been the unspoken, unofficial plan for them to do the same thing a few days later, but Gansey and Blue had taken Opal to Fox Way for the night to give Ronan and Adam some privacy, and they had been woken the next morning to Adam in tears at the door, and the news that they had broken up. Adam didn't seem to know why, and all Gansey could get out of Ronan was that he couldn't be around Adam.

  
It had divided the four of them in a strange way. Gansey had gone to stay with Ronan and Opal while Blue and Adam remained at Fox Way for the rest of Adam’s Thanksgiving break. They weren't taking sides- it felt as if there were no sides to take, when no one had an explanation- but the four of them had been so close that any interaction or lack thereof had felt like a betrayal.

  
Blue had hated it. She was in love with all of them, and it was physically painful to not be able to fix anything.  
This, though, however accidental, felt like a step in the right direction. Ronan and Adam hadn't really acknowledged each other since Adam came inside, but they had stayed in the same room for several hours without anyone dying, so Blue felt that this night was a win overall.

  
She briefly considered how fucked up it was that her bar for success was as low as “nobody died”, but given their collective history, she felt it was pretty justified.

  
The night got bonus points for not including any dramatic fighting. She had been a little worried, at first, that Adam and Ronan wouldn't be able to be in the same room with each other without something happening, let alone share a couch for a night, but they had both seemed too exhausted to start anything. Adam had fallen asleep on her about an hour ago, and Ronan had done the same to Gansey soon after.

  
Blue could feel herself nodding off along with them, but she didn't want to leave Gansey the only one awake, and he didn't seem like he had any intention of drifting off any time soon.

  
“Blue.” Her eyes had closed without her permission, and she jerked them open at her boyfriend’s quiet voice.

  
“I'm awake!” Gansey chuckled and stroked his hand through her hair.

  
“You should go to bed, love.” She shook her head.

  
“I’m not tired.” Her words, faintly slurred, betrayed her.

  
“You don't have to wait up. I’ll be okay.” This was a line borrowed from an old argument. Blue would usually challenge him, but she really wasn't up to it at the moment.

  
“I'm just gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes.” Gansey laughed again, soft and fond.

  
“Okay. I’ll be right here.”

  
Blue drifted off to the feeling of Gansey’s fingers carding through her short hair, and for once, she did not dream.

  
Meanwhile, Gansey found himself in the peculiar, though not entirely unfamiliar position of lying awake while surrounded by sleeping friends. It wasn't so much that he wasn't tired that kept him from joining them. He was exhausted, as anyone would be at this time of night, but he simply couldn't seem to turn his thoughts off long enough to fall asleep. He would pass out eventually when his eyes simply couldn't hold themselves open anymore, but until then, he would sit there, keeping a silent watch over his friends.

  
The insomnia used to bother him more, but he didn't particularly mind it now. It was certainly better than the nightmares, which were always full of dead friends and demons. He had had enough of those for a lifetime, and had discovered recently that if he stayed up long enough his brain simply wouldn't have the energy to dream.

  
It was a solution he had accidentally picked up from Ronan, though tonight Ronan couldn't hold out very long. Gansey hoped he would avoid nightmares anyhow, especially since the bruises from his earlier one remained on his neck. He quickly realized it was a futile hope as Ronan cried out softly next to him. Gansey shook him gently.

  
“Ronan.” He didn't wake at his name, though on the other side of Blue, Adam did. Ronan groaned out another pained noise, and before Gansey could blink Adam was up and crouched in front of Ronan, taking his hands and murmuring soft words of comfort. Gansey didn't dare breathe. The motions appeared to be a reflex for Adam, and Gansey was fairly sure he wasn't awake enough to realize what he was doing.

  
After a few moments, Ronan woke with a gasp. It didn't seem like he brought anything back with him, injuries or otherwise, and Gansey was grateful until he noticed the tear tracks on Ronan's cheeks.

  
The room was quiet for a moment, save for Ronan's labored breathing and Blue’s faint snores, and Gansey let himself hope that this wouldn't become a Thing.

  
The brief spell of calm was broken, however, when Ronan went to wipe the tears from his face and he and Adam both realized Adam was still holding his hands.

  
Ronan drew in a sharp breath, and Adam pulled his hands away as if he had been burned.

  
“Sorry, I-” Adam couldn't quite seem to get any sort of explanation out. Ronan looked stricken, and it seemed for a moment that he might say something, but instead he suddenly shot up from the couch and ran to the bathroom. A faint retching could be heard, and Adam looked as if he were going to cry, and Gansey had had enough of this.

  
“Go after him.” Adam’s pained expression turned towards Gansey.

  
“I shouldn't. He doesn't want me to.”

  
“Yes, he does.”

  
“I don't want to.” Gansey sighed.

  
“Yes, you do.” Adam closed his eyes. “It's not as if it can get any worse than it already is.” Adam looked at him again, eyes still misty, and with a mirthless smile on his face.

  
“It can always get worse.” Nevertheless, he was already standing up and following Ronan to the bathroom. He knocked once, and went in immediately after, shutting the door behind him. Gansey watched him go, then turned his attention back to Blue as he felt her stir against his side.

  
“What's goin’ on?” She was hardly awake, her words slurring, and Gansey felt a rush of affection for her.

  
“Everything’s fine, love. Go back to sleep.” Blue stared at him for a moment, then gave a small shrug and nuzzled her head back into his shoulder. She was snoring again within seconds.

  
Gansey wrapped his arm securely around her and continued his silent watch. He could hear a faint murmur of conversation from the bathroom, but couldn't pick out words even if he tried.

  
They’ll get through this, he thought. They always did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took forever, but St. Mark's Eve truly is magical, as I finally managed to finish tonight.
> 
> Please leave kudos/comment if you liked it!
> 
> Multa Nocte- (roughly) late at night


	7. Reconciliātiō

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan and Adam finally talk.

Between the nightmares and all the shit he got up to, Ronan thought he should really be used to throwing up by now. Well, maybe he  _ was  _ used to it, but it still sucked. He closed his eyes and tried to will away the nausea.

The door opened, and then shut again. Ronan paid it no mind, too intent on keeping what little bile was left in his stomach from coming up, until an all too familiar hand started rubbing between his shoulder blades and he lost the battle with his insides once more.

The hand didn't pause as he emptied his guts, stroking calming circles on his back even once he finished heaving, flushed the toilet, and sat back with his eyes closed, worn out but finally less nauseous. They stayed like that for several minutes.

“Do you want some water?” Ronan could only nod weakly. He tried not to whine when the hand left his back, and it returned soon anyway after he had been handed a Dixie cup. He drank slowly, swishing some around his mouth to clear the awful taste. When he was finished, he put the cup down on the floor and tried not to wonder what was going to come next. There was nothing, for a few moments, and then-

“Tell me what happened?” And the question was as familiar as the fingers still stroking his spine, because this was their routine, one of them would wake from a nightmare and the other would soothe them, and Ronan had  _ missed  _ this. He was tired of waking up alone.

“Ronan?” His name on those lips. Meaning nothing more than  _ Ronan _ . 

“It was about you.” He sighed heavily and pulled his knees up to his chin. “It's  _ always  _ about you.” The hand paused. 

“Do you want me to leave?” He sounded resigned. Sad. Ronan felt awful. 

“I never wanted you to leave in the first place.” The hand pulled away entirely now.

“Then why did you tell me to go?” That was the question, wasn't it?

“I can't tell you.” 

“Can't, or won't?” 

“You’ll hate me.” There was silence for a few seconds.

“Ronan.” Ronan curled himself tighter. “ _ Ronan.  _ Look at me.” Ronan didn't want to, didn't think he could face him while telling this story, didn't think he could face him at all. 

He turned around anyway. He looked at the hands first, perpetually dry this time of year, and then traced his gaze upwards to his face. The pair of eyes staring back at him were decidedly not dry, and Ronan had to physically resist reaching out to wipe away the tears, or pull him into a hug. 

“I could  _ never  _ hate you, Ronan. And believe me, I really wanted to after that morning.” He reached out to cup Ronan’s face, gently brushing away a tear that Ronan hadn’t noticed. “Whatever the reason was, it can’t possibly be worse than having no reason at all, so if I still love you after that, I’ll still love you after this. Okay?” He was so earnest, Ronan couldn’t help but believe him. 

“Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I have to show you something. It’s outside.” He stood up and offered his hand instead of further explanation. They tiptoed out of the bathroom, careful not to wake Gansey and Blue on the couch, and wordlessly bundled themselves into jackets and boots before sneaking out the front door. Ronan led the way, the path memorized even in the dark and still falling snow. They finally stopped at the edge of the woods, and Ronan dug his phone from his pocket to turn on the light.

There was a sharp gasp from beside him when the scene was illuminated. The twin wooden crosses looked even more miserable than they did in the daylight, slightly lopsided and weatherbeaten, but their purpose remained clear. 

“Are these-  _ graves _ ?” Ronan could only nod. “What- who-?”

“Do you remember the church? When we were framing Whelk?” He didn’t wait for an acknowledgement-- even after three years, he knew that day wasn’t the kind of thing that was easily forgotten. “I had to get rid of the body somehow. And I know it wasn’t real, like, it obviously wasn’t  _ me _ , but there was something about it that made it feel kind of wrong to just burn it or whatever, so-” He gestured at the cross on the left. 

“That’s- oh my god. Is that really?” Ronan nodded. “That’s  _ awful.  _ I can’t believe you had to do that by yourself-” Ronan cut him off before he can get any further.

“The other one is you.” 

“What?” His voice had suddenly gone quiet. 

“I had a nightmare, that night. You died. I mean, you kind of die a lot in my nightmares, it happened tonight, too, but-” he paused and took a breath. Stared resolutely at the crosses, not chancing a glance to the side. “When I bring something back, I have to know everything about it. How every inch of it looks and feels. If I forget even one detail, it won’t come out with me, and I don’t usually have you memorized  _ that  _ completely, but we had just spent the night together, and so when I woke up-” He took another deep breath to steady himself. “When I woke up, there was a corpse next to me in bed that looked and felt exactly like you, and I freaked. I thought it actually  _ was  _ you, at first, and that was bad enough, but then I heard you singing in the shower, and I realized what had happened, and I just sort of panicked. And I guess you know the rest.” 

He stopped talking, and the silence stretched on long enough to make him start fidgeting despite the tension.

“I still don’t understand why you kicked me out.” That finally made Ronan look at him, incredulous.

“You don’t- what part of me waking up next to your corpse did you not understand?”

“I didn’t miss that, I missed the part when you explained how that translated into you telling me to get out of the house and not come back instead of telling me what happened.” 

“I  _ killed  _ you, Adam!” He practically sobbed it, the words crawling out of his throat where they had been stuck for nearly a month. “When I first woke up and I thought you were actually- it was the worst thing that I have ever felt. Even when I realized it was just a dream-you, I couldn’t bear the thought of you actually getting hurt because of me, and in that moment I just knew that you would get hurt if you stayed, and you would end up dead or hating me and leaving anyway, and so I just told you to go.” 

“You should have  _ talked  _ to me.” Adam looked stricken, and it broke Ronan’s heart. “Don’t get me wrong, this,” He gestured to the crosses, “is beyond fucked up, but I was telling the truth earlier. This is no worse than you just deciding  _ for  _ me that I shouldn’t be around you and kicking me out without telling me why. I mean, Jesus, Ronan, I thought you trusted me more than that.”

“I do trust you!”

“Clearly not enough to let me make my own decisions.”

“I wasn’t thinking clearly! I had to  _ bury  _ you, Adam!” He was shouting now, not caring who might be able to hear them.

“That’s not me!” Adam yelled back, pointing angrily at the grave. “That thing in there was never alive! It’s just a body, Ronan. I’m right here!” He took a step forward, grasping Ronan by the shoulders. “I’m not going anywhere without a fight.” The last sentence was spoken softly, but with conviction. 

“I love you.” Ronan had to say that, before anything else. Adam had seen him at his lowest and he wasn’t running away, and Ronan loved him so much it hurt. “I love you, and I’m sorry I didn’t just talk to you.  I know I’m going to have to work really hard for you to forgive me, but if you really still want to stay, I want you here. Please.” Adam kissed him, then, and it felt like coming home.

“I love you too. I’m still mad, but I’m not going to leave. I want to be here, with you.” Ronan grinned at that, and Adam grinned right back. They stood like that, gazing into each other’s eyes, until they were interrupted by Adam’s violent shiver. “Okay, maybe I don’t want to be  _ right  _ here.” Ronan laughed.

“Come on, let’s go inside.” They walked hand in hand back to the house, and finally, everything felt right again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reconciliātiō- Reconciliation  
> Ayy I'm back! It feels like it has been forever, so if you're reading this as I update, sorry about that! I was a bit busy graduating highschool (woo!).  
> Anyway, we finally got to the dramatic explanation, so there should be a bunch of fluff coming up.   
> Hope you enjoyed it, leave kudos/comments if you did!


	8. Felix Culpa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is resolved. There are pancakes.

For a house of dreams, sleep was surprisingly elusive at the Barns. The reasons for this varied- nightmares, memories, fear of what would happen while you were unaware. Earlier in the evening, it had been a combination of all three that had brought Adam downstairs, desperate for company to drown out his brain. The bittersweet familiarity of his friends had been enough to let him drop his guard for a few precious hours, but not nearly enough to let him miss Ronan’s nightmare. 

Not that he particularly minded having been woken up. Not that he ever minded, really, he would always do anything for Ronan, and god knows he had had his share of keeping Ronan from sleep. Tonight, though, he was especially glad that he was used to keeping the same hours as Ronan. 

Sleep might be eluding him once more, but now he truly wasn’t alone, and that made all the difference. 

They sat together in the kitchen. Ronan was perched on the table, forgotten mugs of tea beside him, and Adam was curled in a chair with his head pillowed on Ronan’s thigh. Ronan was gently carding his hand through Adam’s hair, softly humming a song Adam only faintly recognized.

There was still a lot of processing Adam had to do, issues he and Ronan needed to work through, things that would have to be explained to the others, but all that could wait. For now, his world was at peace. 

They stayed like that for some time. Adam wasn’t entirely sure how long, but it felt both like forever and barely moments. Eventually, the sky began to lighten outside the windows, and Ronan started to shift. 

“I don’t know about you, but my legs have gone numb.” His tone was joking, but Adam sat up almost instantly.

“Sorry.” Ronan shook his head.

“No, it’s- you’re fine.” He reached out and brushed a loose strand of hair from Adam’s face. “I’ve missed you.” Adam took his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.

“I’ve missed you too.” They probably would have sat there for another few hours, gazing adoringly into each other’s eyes, had Opal not walked in. 

“Adam!” Her shout startled them both, Adam neary falling off his chair and Ronan steadying him. “I thought you weren’t going to stay!” She ran over and jumped into his lap, and his arms came up around her automatically.

“I had to, because of the snow. And then,” he looked up at Ronan, “I decided I didn’t want to be anywhere else, anyway.” Opal looked between them, and seemed to come to a realization.

“You stopped being stupid.” They both laughed at that.

“Yeah, Opal, we stopped being stupid.” Ronan ruffled her hair. “Do you two want breakfast? I’m thinking pancakes.” Adam and Opal sounded their agreement, and he hopped off the table to begin gathering ingredients. Adam stood up as well, needing to stretch his legs, and depositing Opal in his chair and going over to help Ronan with the preparations. They had gotten good at working together like this, over the years, and quickly whipped up more than enough batter for all of them. 

Between Ronan’s singing, Opal’s chatter, and Adam’s laughter, they made enough noise to finally wake up Gansey and Blue, who stumbled into the kitchen still half asleep just in time to see Ronan nearly burn the first pancake because Adam kissed him. 

“You two made up, then?” Blue addressed the elephant in the room without preamble, as was her way. They nodded in response.  “Took you long enough. Are there blueberries in those pancakes?”

“There can be.” Ronan pulled out a container from the fridge, and Blue whooped and set herself to setting the table. Gansey took a few moments longer to process the scene, probably because he was working on significantly less sleep, but after shooting meaningful, we’re-going-to-actually-talk-about-this-eventually looks at Adam and Ronan, he joined his girlfriend in getting plates and silverware out for the five of them. Adam couldn’t put into words his thankfulness that neither of them made a big deal out of Ronan and him making up overnight. He knew, of course, that Gansey would have questions later, and Blue would have opinions, and Opal would have to be given a reason not to go near a particular section of the property, but for now, they could all just enjoy the morning.

Soon enough, the pancakes were made, and they all sat down to eat. There were blueberries and chocolate chips and homemade butter and maple syrup and flour absolutely everywhere, and everyone was smiling, and Adam was so happy it almost hurt. It was so easy for him to forget what having a proper family was supposed to feel like, the loving and knowing he was loved, that when he was reminded of it he almost couldn’t bear it. Even before these awful past few weeks it had been all too easy to forget this feeling, but sitting with his friends like this had always reminded him. This was what home was supposed to feel like. 

He never wanted to let it go again. 

When they finished breakfast, the sun was fully up, the light glinting off the fresh snow outside like a scene from a movie. Adam, ever practical, thought about wrangling everyone into doing the dishes, but upon seeing Opal’s barely contained excitement reflected in the rest of their eyes, he settled for stacking everything in the sink and joining in the rush to get outside. 

It took some time to locate all of their gloves and coats and scarves and such, but eventually they were all bundled up and ready to head outside. Opal led the charge, leaping out the door as soon as Ronan opened it and delightedly bounding across the white lawn. The others followed more slowly, but no less excitedly, with Adam bringing up the rear, content for the moment to watch his family joyfully playing. He leaned against the porch railing and watched Ronan and Opal chase each other through the drifts while Gansey and Blue set themselves to building a snowman. His eyes drank in the scene like a man dying of thirst, desperate to keep this moment forever. At some point Opal tired of the game and started helping Gansey and Blue, and Ronan joined Adam on the porch, leaning into him. 

“I think this might be more magical than Cabeswater.” The statement was unprompted, rather unexpected, but Adam hummed in agreement. Out of everything they had seen, this was somehow the most wondrous. Happiness, as Adam knew it, was a privilege not granted lightly, and yet here they all were. Happy.

He leaned his head on Ronan’s shoulder. 

“It’s really nice to be alive.” Ronan huffed a laugh and wrapped an arm around him, squeezing tightly.

“It really is, isn’t it?” 

The sun shone brightly above them. Laughter filled the air. The air was cold, but Adam didn’t feel it, warmed from the inside out by the soft glow of love and joy and this wonderful life he had built. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Felix culpa- happy fault  
> Wow! We made it to the end, y'all. I started this fic because I had nothing better to do in the library during my free period, and my car had just broke down, and there was a blizzard on its way, and then that plot bunny somehow turned into this. It's been a lot of fun to write, and while I'm sad to see it go, I'm happy with how it ended, and I'm happy I got it finished before I leave for college in a couple weeks.   
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading whatever the hell this became as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please leave kudos/comments if you made it this far, and come hit me up on tumblr @it-is-the-hannah (or not, I love you either way)  
> Take care of yourselves, get some sleep, remember to live.

**Author's Note:**

> To be perfectly honest, when I sat down to write today I was mostly just mourning the loss of my own beloved car, and then it kind of accidentally morphed into this.  
> I hope you enjoy whatever the heck this is, it'll be updated fairly regularly, and we're just going to see where it goes together.  
> Let's go.


End file.
